What do we tend to do when we know someone is coming over for a visit? And I don’t mean your mom or your sister. I’m talking about real company—like acquaintances, friends, business contacts, new in-laws, that sort of thing. Don’t you frantically start cleaning everything? I used to….still am tempted to do that even to this day. I was the grumpy, crabby mom who yelled at the kids to pick up this, throw away that, and how can this house be such a mess?
Just the simple fact of having to clean your house can be a huge deterrent to even inviting people over. Now be honest—how many times have you not invited someone over because you simply didn’t want to spend the day cleaning the house? It seems more than a bit overwhelming to rally the kids to help you clean more than just the daily tidy-up. Even the daily tidy-up is a huge challenge if you have multiple children like we do.
When you do invite guests over, and spend the day cleaning, it never seems good enough. And here’s the worst part: When you are a guest at someone else’s house, and everything looks perfect (no dust, no clutter, no dishes in the kitchen sink, everything perfectly decorated), you have a major guilt attack. So then the vicious cycle continues…you don’t invite people over because your house is a mess or simply isn’t decorated cute, and here we go again.
I know what I’m about to tell you goes against everything your momma taught you, but hear me out. I have done it both ways: Deep clean everything before guests arrive, or “touch up” things before guests arrive. The first method was how I rolled for many years, until an incident happened that changed not only my perspective, but how I prepared for guests from that time forward. So grab a cup of coffee, and settle in for a very interesting story:
My husband and I are youth leaders in our local church, and we frequently help out with all types of youth events. One hot, July day in summer several years ago, our youth pastor had planned a youth swim party at Melissa’s house. Melissa was the mom of 2 of our youth group kids, and had offered her pool as summer activity option. When we arrived, she said we all could use the bathrooms/bedrooms to change into swimsuits. As I was waiting my turn for a bathroom, I found myself longingly admiring her home. The kitchen was spotless, and the living room was decorated like she had just won a makeover with Chip & Joanna. There was no dust anywhere, pictures were perfectly hanging on the wall, and everything was in impeccable order.
The more I admired her amazingly clean house, the more discouraged I became. What was wrong with me? Why could I not keep my house like this? Did she have a daily maid? Did she spend 3 days cleaning like mad? With 4 children, there’s no way I could spend 3 days cleaning…it would be undone in 3 minutes!
As I was continuing my mental downward spiral into self-pity & guilt, my husband Thomas came up to me and said, “Come here, quick, I need to show you something.” I explained I was waiting on a bathroom so that I could change into my swimsuit and didn’t want to lose my place in line. He said, “Come with me. You will REALLY want to see this.” Okay, so my curiosity was piqued, and I agreed.
He said that he couldn’t find an open room to change into his swimsuit, so he thought he’d just use the laundry room. He brought me to the laundry room door and said when he opened it, he knew he had to show me. Now I am VERY curious. So he opened this mysterious door, and guess what I saw???
THE ENTIRE LAUNDRY ROOM FLOOR WAS COVERED IN DIRTY LAUNDRY…and it was about a foot high. It even looked like all the clutter from the rest of the house was thrown into the laundry room, too. It was obviously assumed that no guest would attempt to go in there, so the mess would be out of sight, out of mind. At least that’s what we have all told ourselves at one point or another, right?
My spirit immediately soared. I was not alone! She was just like me. Melissa wasn’t perfect, she was normal. She didn’t let a messy house stop her from having a huge crowd over, she just threw everything into the laundry room and shut the door. People were more important to her than clean houses. I went from spiraling discouragement to soaring encouragement and learned a very valuable lesson from my friend that day that has stuck with me for 7 years now.
Here’s what I learned:
- Tidy up when you know you have visitors coming, but don’t major clean just for that. Make sure bathrooms are clean, and that the kitchen is mostly clean. That’s good enough. If you have more time, then great. Think “sanitize”, not clutter-free and spotless.
- If you don’t know a guest is coming, and don’t have time to tidy up, DO NOT STRESS about it. Their house probably looks just like yours. Welcome them into the mess, without apology, and know that being real is far better than everyone thinking you have an Instagram-worthy house.
- When a guest sees dust on your shelves sometimes, a few dishes in the sink, and laundry that isn’t caught up, understand that you might be giving them the most hope and encouragement they’ve had in awhile. If your house looks perfect, is that really how you live every day when no one is around? Of course not, so why do we pretend? Why do we want everyone to think this is how it looks all the time?
- Attitude is everything. If you are happy to see guests, and enjoy their company, rarely will anyone notice how clean your house is. They truly don’t care. Unless it’s a complete pigsty, they are more concerned about feeling at home than admiring your perfect house. (While we are on the subject of pigsty, realize that we all have seasons where we feel like we are living in a barn with farm animals rather than in a house with people.) This is especially noticeable with young children….when they create messes far faster than you have the time to clean them up! Give yourself some grace and realize it’s just a season.
- If you want youth, college students, and young adults to enjoy hanging out at your home, then forget perfection entirely. Don’t try to copy Martha Stewart, Magnolia, or any other influencer out there whose house seems to always be perfect. Welcome young people whether you knew they were coming or not. Feed them if they are hungry. Don’t be concerned with them eating on the couch. Don’t feel like you have to extra clean when they come over. I promise you, no matter how modest, dated, or old your home is, you will become the most popular regional hub for that age group if you genuinely enjoy their company and you don’t worry about how your house looks. Remember Jesus’ words, “For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger and you invited me into your home…” Matt 25:35
For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger and you invited me into your home.
Matthew 25:35
So I’ve totally revamped how I clean my home when visitors come. And because my perspective has changed, my stress level is at its lowest it’s been in years when company comes over. I clean what I have time for, and I don’t worry about what I didn’t get to. Even if I have extra time to deep clean, I purposely leave a few things alone….to encourage that mom who compares her house to other’s perfect Instagram homes. I want moms to walk away from my home feeling like I did when I left Melissa’s house many years ago. Hopeful. Accepted. Normal. And willing to open their home to all who drop in.
